Sizzle Bop!

Where Highly Distractible People are Celebrated, Encouraged & Empowered

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When Sizzle Bop first started, we had daily reminders that were sent out...yes...each and every day with instructions called "Action Prompts".  These were useful, repetitive actions that were valuable if practiced habitually. Thus, the daily mailings.

These included

   * GO PRAISE YOUR SIZZLER

   * I'M HAVING A MELTDOWN

   * PREPARE FOR THE AM

Then, once a week we sent out

   * TOUCH BASE WITH YOUR NON-DEMANDER

   *  SHARE THE VISION

We no longer send these out daily and weekly. You'll certainly see them when you first join, and you may occasionally see them come round again, but the intensity of repetition was, we decided, too much. And besides, we have so much else to say!

If you ever find yourself missing them, then come back to this page. The full explanation of these action prompts and their value are included below.  

Have a lovely, non-linear day!

To Join, just click here.
  
  

THE FULL EXPLANATIONS BEHIND THE REMINDERS

 


Go Praise Your Sizzler.

If your Sizzler is your child, you may find yourself more in the role of house policeman rather than a loving parent. These kids are not strong on the details. They are often totally oblivious to the impact they have on the environment. I have often said that my son can enter a room and within 20 steps have committed 12 comment-worthy infractions that I feel compelled to point out.  

“Please close the door behind you.”
“You just kicked the rug up. Please step back and turn it down.” 
“Your sister was watching that TV show. You can’t just change the channel. Please turn it back”. 
“Don’t drink out of the milk jug”
“You left the fridge door open.   Can you get that please?”
“Did you notice when you bumped the table, you knocked over the pencil holder? Can you get those back in place please?” 

And on and on it can go. There were times, particularly in dealing with his schoolwork that I would watch him take 3 hours to do 20 minutes worth of math and I was sure…I was absolutely SURE that it was purposeful. He must be doing this just to drive me crazy. It must be a behavioral thing. I would become so angry that I just physically hurt. I’m not kidding you when I say that at day’s end my bones would ache. 

Sometimes, before I had a good understanding of the workings of this child’s mind, he and I would have some very ugly exchanges. And frankly, even on good days, he still had to listen to me giving him minute-by-minute corrections like the ones listed above. Almost every time I opened my mouth it was to call his name, and then follow it with some sort of correction. How wearying for me. How pathetic and depressing for him!

I remember one day when I had an epiphany regarding my son. He and I were just chatting and he thoughtfully said to me that he should never be President. I said, “Why not? You’re bright. You have enormous energy. You have a lot of worthwhile values and strengths for such a position. Why, I would think you’d be a great candidate for President.” He answered (keep in mind he was about eight) “Because someone with my impulsivity should never have his finger on the button of such a nuclear arsenal.” I couldn’t help laughing. Such seriousness from one so young! 

I responded by telling him that impulsivity may be a problem for him now but he will most certainly have overcome that by the time he was an adult. He was stunned. He was something he never is…he was speechless. He almost didn’t believe me. And I realized that this was because of ME…and how I hammered away at all that he does wrong all day long. He thought that all the issues he was dealing with now would always be a part of his life in the same form and same intensity. 

This child needs to hear that he will succeed in life. He needs to hear that you expect it and that he can expect it. And he needs to hear those words coming directly from YOU going directly to him. Don’t assume he knows you care. He needs a counterbalance to the constant reminders you provide of the many ways he’s slipped up. He needs regular reassurance that you find value in him as easily as you find fault. 

So the assigned task that goes with this reminder is to go, right now, and find this child whom you spend much time policing. But this time, spend some time praising. There are so many things that are praise worthy in these kids. Before you go, pause to think of something you like about this kid, something worthwhile. And remember, this is not the time to share ANYTHING negative. Don’t say “You’re great but….” Don’t say “I like this about you but…” No buts allowed. He gets enough of those all day long. This is unadulterated, pure praise. If you need some starter prompts to get the positive thoughts flowing, check out my list. 

 
Great things about the highly distractible

Can often see unique solutions to problems that many others miss.

Are quick to laugh and enjoy making others laugh as well.

Are quick to forgive and forget.

Throw themselves fully into a project that grabs their attention.

Are comfortable, even enjoy, taking risks.

Are genuine, and indeed are even transparent and almost incapable of deception.

Great with adults. Often don’t even realize there is a difference between them and an adult.· They often need less sleep. What more will they accomplish with their two extra hours per day? (Over 75 years that gives them 54,750 more hours!)

They like serving others.

They’re often quite bright and quick minded.· They see details in things that others miss. Think of how occupations value this quality.

They like to challenge themselves, physically and intellectually.

They are never dull

When they love, they do so with abandon.

They can hyper-focus on something with an intensity that yields extraordinary results. 

They’re funny· If channeled, that energy will achieve far above the status quo.

Go on line and search on “Famous people” and “ADHD” and peruse through the success stories that have gone before.   [Back to Top]


I’m Having a Melt Down!!!

Having a Sizzler in the family is many wonderful things, but it can also be plain old intense. These kids can drain you without doing even one thing wrong. They simply require more of our energy….more vigilance, more attention, more overseeing, more direction, more protection, more corralling, and more instruction. 

I can give my non-distractible daughter a set of educational instructions and she’ll disappear for 2 hours, happily filling out pages in her workbook or reading a novel or working on an assigned project. She needs no further direction. 

My son on the other hand won’t make it two steps before whirling around with the need for some additional input.   And arguing. Oh the arguing is awful! I finally came to realize that arguing is not a bad word for these kids. They argue becomes it feeds the needed stimulation track in their brain. Even the bad arguments that get out of hand and become downright ugly can nonetheless provide them with stimulation that has its own appeal, even when packaged together with the damage that can go accompany loud and angry words. 

While it’s hard, we adults have to learn to suddenly turn off the argument, help this child get some time away from the heated discussion to find the needed to transition back to calm, and then redirect them into some activity that feeds this stimulation track with something positive.   

Anyway, back to YOUR meltdown. If you’re having a moment, a particularly bad day that has you near tears or filled with anger, you are having a meltdown. You need some attention for YOU. You need a break from the tension that has led to this. So your assignment is to actually do something here that will get you back on track again. 

 
Ideas to Turn Around Meltdown

Change the pattern. Whatever has led to this encounter, turn it on its head. Take this child who has driven you crazy today and go do something completely fun and unrelated. Get ice cream, see a movie, play tennis. Find some different activity that you know the two of you can engage in that won’t in any way be connected to something negative in your day. Spend some time remembering you can enjoy each other.

Laugh. Find something that makes you laugh. I have a few standard movies that I can always pull out when a laugh is simply medicinal. There are times to stop the day’s activities, take the phone off the hook, turn off the world, forget being a leader, and just feed your soul with some laughter. Remember, Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Get away. If at all possible, have someone watch the kids. If they’re older, take a walk.

Call someone who has the ability to really listen. If they have a kid like yours, their ability to sympathize may be a balm to your spirit. 

Remember the difficulties you gave your parents. If you gave them none, start today. (Just kidding mom!)

Maybe this is a good time to go get groceries. It gets you out of the fray, but also accomplishes a necessary task. 

Consider arranging a quick play date for your child with some other child. Give your household a break for a bit. 

Set your child to some task that will hold him (our choice would be making a Taj Mahal out of Legos) and then go have a good cry. (This is a woman thing. Chances are men just aren’t going to get this one.) It’s good to follow this one up with laughter.

Find a grown up who struggled with some of the same things your child does. Use them as a mentor. See if they can give you any insight into the behavior of this child that most frustrates or confuses you. 

Breath deeply. Get lots of oxygen. 

Do something that “takes you away”. If that’s fishing, go fishing. Sewing? Reading a spy novel? Playing the piano? If you’ve always enjoyed this but never give yourself the luxury of the time, do it now. It doesn’t have to be for hours. Sometimes a simple 20 minutes can totally reset your psychological thermostat.

Find an on-line radio show. I’ve discovered that many of my favorite radio shows are now available on the computer and I can listen to them whenever I’M available. So if there’s one that really provides thoughtful reflection, or humor, or education…have that in your back pocket to turn to when you need to be fed instead of feeding others.

Reflect on what qualities in yourself will be developed and strengthened as a result of having raised this child. If you allow it to, you will certainly grow in ways that benefit you, your faith, your character and in the end, blesses your whole family. [Back to Top]

Prepare for the AM 

Mornings can be really hard for our kids. They often are slow to wake up. Or they wake up early and instantly, and then proceed to become absorbed in their project du jour. In either case, many are the times that we find ourselves yelling the same things every morning. “ I see the bus coming. Where are you shoes? What do you mean you don’t have any clean pants? Why aren’t your books in your backpack? Well how should I know where they are?” Yada yada.   

This simply little task can make a HUGE difference in your day. And fortunately, it’s pretty simply: Have a nightly routine. Along with brushing teeth and putting on jammies, have your kids lay out their clothes for the next day. (the entire outfit, from underwear to socks).

Have them put their book bag by the door with their books in it. While they are doing that, you put the cereal, bowls and spoons out on the kitchen table. (substitute whatever items make sense in your family). If you have a nice bedtime ritual (song, prayers, stories, chats) make sure that they don’t commence until you’ve “inspected” the clothing pile and the book pile. All must check out before the ritual begins.   

This simple habit will make an enormous difference. The next day will not only proceed much more smoothly, but your children’s last view of you before heading out the door won’t be one of Crazy Raving Mama. And you won’t have that huge stomachache as they exit that one of them might be wearing the same underwear for the 8th straight day.   [Back to Top]

Touch Base with the NON-Demander

If you’ve read my first book “How To Get Your Child Off The Refrigerator and On To Learning” you may think that I only have one child. The book is based completely on my experiences in raising and homeschooling my very active son. Almost every example, every technique, every game and every story arises from the life and times of that much beloved boy. But in truth, I have three children. After my son, came two beautiful daughters who bring much peace and joy into our home -- in fact, sometimes, a bit TOO much peace.   

Neither of these girls is as demanding for attention (good or bad) as is their brother. They require less discipline, less direction and less watching. One child in particular is good at becoming almost invisible. She doesn’t like the noise that her brother can bring into a room and so she often slips out to find other things, quieter things to do. She is quite happy to go off and play for hours at an imaginative game she creates in the woods by our home. She can read for hours on end just delighted with the world she has visited through the author’s eyes. With all the attention that her brother and baby sister require, she is often overlooked, left to her own devices, and on her own.   

I realized long ago that this was the case. And before any problems could start, I began making time for this precious, non-demanding child. I wanted her to know that she needn’t find creative, passive-aggressive ways to “demand” mom’s attention. She was going to have it just because she was valuable to me.   

Your task here is to reach out and touch your non-demanding child, letting them know that even when they aren’t demanding it, you still want them to know of your love for them. Start creating a list somewhere of things that are part of this child’s love language. Go to them right now and share something with them that you know will touch their heart. And every so often, make bigger plans for some time away, just with them. Check below for some ideas to get you started.

Poke your head in the door and tell a ridiculous knock-knock joke

Pull out some drawing or previous work and remind them of how much you liked their efforts on it.

Write a little note and just tape it on their bedroom door to be found later.

Invite just them to go with you on an errand saying you really enjoy their company. 

Include a favorite item on the menu and let them know it was made with them in mind.

If your child loves a hug, go in and tell them something is wrong with you. Your doctor said you were hug deficient (worse than calcium deficient) and that you’ll need hugs in order to regain your strength (especially from them because theirs are the most potent)

Tell them you’re truly grateful that they are your children. You’ve seen enough other children by now to know you’ve got a good one.

Praise them for any of their abilities (“It’s so nice that you play the guitar and bring music into the house.” “I love that you love soccer. You’re always on the move and your energy is infectious” “ I’ve always been impressed with how quickly you can rip through your times tables. That speed of thought is going to serve you well through your life.” Pick anything. It doesn’t matter what it is. Find a way to tell him or her how they enrich your life, just by being there.

 Make up a bedtime story with this child as the star. Give her front and center attention in the family circle.

Give him an award in front of the family for something. Kindness. Courage. Service. There’s bound to be something this often overlooked child exhibits that can be showcased.

Plan a “date” with this child and one of the parents. Our daughter dresses up and goes out to dinner with Daddy every so often. Mom helps her pick out the right dress and fix her hair. This one-on-one attention makes her feel incredibly special. 

You get the idea. It doesn’t have to be much to be meaningful. Simple-but-regular is more important than extravagant-but-seldom.

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Share the Vision

What is the vision? You can’t share it if you haven’t gotten it yourself. And you certainly won’t get it from reading the vast majority of literature out there regarding our distractible children. You may even get that community sigh-of-despair from dear friends or members of your own family. I’ve gotten it too. But I know something that they don’t. While surely, all children are gifts, this child is extra special. 

I really believe that my son is destined for something wonderful, something that would be impossible for those calmer, regular-energy level children. He is going to find a niche where boundless energy is an incredibly asset. He is going to reach for things that others would never attempt. And he’s going to do all of this not in spite of his current qualities, but because of his current qualities. If I get stuck, or worse yet, allow him to get stuck on only the challenges that these qualities present, then I have done him great harm. But if instead, I can teach him to latch on to the future, latch on to a time when these matured qualities will offer him great advantages, I will have given him wings. 

The vision is an acute awareness that this child, challenges and all, will achieve things, wonderful things, because of the very same qualities that now give him so much frustration. 
  
Knowing this to be true, even believing it with your whole heart is not enough. It will yield you nothing if you don’t see to it that your child knows it with his whole heart. Get this child to grab on to the vision of his or her role as an adult. Get them excited about their future. Believe with them that there is a role, a cause nobler than childhood they will one day fulfill.

You cannot share this notion one time and then mark it off as “done”. It has to permeate your daily conversation. A clear picture tomorrow’s success has to be completely apparent in the shared thoughts and dinner table discussions of today. It may take awhile to shift gears into this mindset…. particularly if you’ve only recently gotten the vision yourself. 

So here again is a list of ideas to help you get started. When you see the “Share the Vision” reminder in your email, check our list here for some prompts to get you rolling. This reminder won’t show up as often as the “Praise Your Child” because it’s much more involved. But when you see it, take the time to do this. This can be the “lightbulb” moment of personal value that many of our kids struggle to find. 

Ideas on Sharing the Vision

Together, make a list of all of this child’s good qualities. Put as many things on this list as you possibly can. Then make sure you spend time connecting the items with what can be accomplished through his life.

Familiarize your child with other famous highly distractible and successful people. Do a search on-line using “famous people” and “ADHD” and that should give you plenty of names for a good start.

Point out successful people in the family who share his distractible qualities.  Meander through the “What Could Be’s”. Have an extended chat in which you talk about what his future career might be. Select a quality like creativity, or unique problem solving or an ability to hyper-focus and then discuss what occupations would see this as a great asset.

Make a list of all of this child’s most challenging behaviors, such as argumentative, never cleans his room, etc. Then think of all the positive things about the items on this list. For example, argumentative may be a pain to deal with now, but if this child learns to channel this skill, think of the lawyer or statesman he could be. Never cleaning his room may drive Dad crazy but it does show that this is a child who is not attached to things. That quality may serve him well if he decides to follow a path that meets the needs of others but pays very little financially. Every behavior you can name should be able to be linked to a quality that, if properly channeled, could be positive.

Some day when he’s fallen out of his chair once again, or he can’t find his shoe again, or he’s on top of the refrigerator once again, get him down of course. Then kiss him on the head, and thank him for keeping life interesting.

Do something totally spontaneous…something that will surprise him for its utter unpredictability coming from you. Then tell him you are learning from him how to be unregimented and have more fun.

If you pray, do it over this child, out loud. Let him hear you thanking God for his qualities. Let him listen as you ask God with apparent anticipation to help you in guiding him as you both seek to channel these great gifts into shapes that can be used in fruitful ways. And let him hear you thank God for the gift of having this child in your life. 

Talk about his future spouse. When he throws himself into cooking a meal, or cares for a younger sibling or tears apart a tape recorder to learn how it works…mention that one day his spouse will thank us all for allowing him to follow his inclinations. Get him to visualize himself as successful, loved by another and still using his current abilities. 

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